sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
