Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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