whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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