Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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