I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didn't notice because vodka
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
