So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
