Do you still have your period?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
