he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
