i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
