I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
