From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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