i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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