A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
