I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Houston, we have a blender
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
