you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
