Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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