He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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