but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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