I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
