I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
