So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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