so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
