Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
