Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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