So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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