did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
