Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently you make a good broom.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
