even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
