ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
