laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
