if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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