the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
