Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
