We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
