Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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