Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
