I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
