You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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