just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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