Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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