So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
