If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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