clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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