No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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