His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
