I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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