loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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