Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
