My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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