i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
