Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
