I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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