I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
