And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
