Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
