Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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