i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
