Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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