Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
