He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
