I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
