I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
