dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
