I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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