brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
