Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
