You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
