fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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