he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
