i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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