I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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