He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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