I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are we still banned from the library?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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