I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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